What is going on in Aiyana's head right now....

So, it has been an interesting time/season in my life. Things I have depended on have been tested and found wanting when it comes to friends, family, my own inadequacies etc. But the one constant has been God. He is there in a way that is inexplainable to one who hasn't known Him. Because there is no adequate comparison outside of Him. He has come thru for me ALWAYS. A patient, kind gentleman. As i open myself up and am exposed and am honest about where I am at- He is still excepting. What I have found is that He is only able to move in where I open up. If I don't expose it He can't heal it. He honors any walls I put up. The meaning of "He who is forgiven much loves much"(Luke 7:47)  has expanded. It's not that the BIGGER sinner is going to love more after they are forgiven, because we are all on an equal playing field when it comes to that (Matthew 5:21-48). It is more of an understanding of the more I allow God to forgive me for right now(therefore, the more I realize I need to be forgiven) the more love He is able to put into my life. It's not that I am not ALREADY forgiven and clean in His eyes, because I am because of Jesus. And the love I receive from Him is a love that He already has for me I just don't always except it.  But the more I admit I need forgiveness for - the more love I will have for Him, receive from Him and be able to give to others because of it.