So this is a continuation of my "facebook status"= "I asked God for help from the most genuine part of my heart, when I was at the lowest part of ME (totally over myself) and........He came:).....He is a good PAPA"
I am just going to get real here. Because if I don't get real then the truth of the matter won't be as grand as it truley is.
So I had a week of self doubt and a basic "low". By the begining of the next week I was in a fragile state. And life was particularly busy - extra ballet for the girls, Holiday preparation and planning of new ministry on top of regular life. So busy days and evenings with no down time takes a toll on me. I had a breaking point and felt like a failure in all aspects of my life- spiritual, motherhood, "wifehood" etc.
Tears and frustration. My husband encouraged me to spend time with God----I was ashamed to talk to God. I had set aside the fact that He is my Papa - in my heart i was distant. Still i went before Him. With my 20 month old crawling on me and my daughters bickering- i closed my eyes- fell on my bed and told God I was done with "me"- couldn't do it and needed Him. Got up and felt a bit better- not alot -but a bit.
Finished my day and before bed I talked with my Papa again. Asking Him to take this ball of sinful mess and work on my heart.
The next morning I woke up and had the most amazing conversation with my daughter! She was having a stressful morning and having a hard time listening to and trusting her papa. She didn't want to listen to him because she thought what he was asking her to do was crazy. And as I was talking to her it was like I was talking to myself and God had given me all these great things to say.
"we are all messed up and broken"
"God is love and what He asks us to do comes out of the wisdom and love He has" (in her situation God wanted her to obey her father)
"we have to stop trying to fix things on our own because our natural inclinations only hurt us"
"we have to ask Him to show us the better way"
"when we mess up (which we will..... everyday) we have forgiveness because of Jesus!"
It was unbelievable to see how relieved and loved she looked and it reminded me of how loved I am.
He is a good and faithful PAPA.